너무 아파

you know how something always hits you right in the heart making you feel terrible and the only way to feel better is to let go.

If only, letting go is as easy as it sounds.

Yes I admit that it's jealousy overtaking me right now. jealous that people have more opportunities, more chances than I have. jealous that they seem to have more freedom. jealous that they can connect better. all that i don't have, i'm jealous that other people has it, but i know it's because i don't have the guts, don't dare to take the step, don't dare to take the initiative that led to all these. And somehow, I seem to keep forgetting that these people do have their own problems too.

I'm still trying to accept things the way it is, but is not as easy as it seems to be.

I'm beginning to believe that being ignorant sometimes makes you a happier person than knowing everything. And I think that social networking has something to do with this. Many a times I had wondered, "If i never checked facebook, I would not have know they did this and possibly conveniently excluded me", "if i never checked twitter, I would not have know they went to this place and possibly conveniently did not invite me to join them". All these "would not have know" would just possibly make me a happier person.

Then I realised, that giving reasons or excuses is just a form of escaping.

And maybe. Just maybe. I'm just not that good enough as a person.